


Family Reunion

by franscats



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: M/M, Sentinel Bingo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2019-05-02 08:52:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14541135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/franscats/pseuds/franscats
Summary: Jim Ellison was told his mother died when he was four years old but, after exacting a promise of secrecy, William Ellison tells Blair that Mary Margaret is alive and has been hidden away, hospitalized for thirty five years.  Blair is left with two choices: break his promise to William or betray Jim.





	Family Reunion

**Author's Note:**

> This is written for the sentinel bingo free space.

*****Tuesday Afternoon**

Blair Sandburg looked up at the knock on the door and then stood to greet his guest. “Mr. Ellison,” he indicated William Ellison should come in. “What can I do for you, sir?”

“Mr. Sandburg, I wanted to speak with you in private. I would like this conversation to remain between us. I don’t want Jimmy to know about it.”

Blair paused. “I can’t promise anything if I don’t know what the conversation is about.”

William nodded his understanding. “It is nothing that would compromise Jimmy,” he promised, stepping into the room and Blair immediately moved to secure the older man a seat, shoving some files off a chair.

“Please,” he indicated William should sit before closing the door and taking his own seat.

“I know you are aware of Jimmy’s unusual senses,” William said, his voice tentative. “You have been helping him with them.”

Unsure how to answer, unsure if he should deny his knowledge of Jim’s hyper senses or acknowledge that he helped Jim with them, Blair decided to obfuscate. “I try and help Jim with his work.”

“I’m not talking about his work,” William snapped and then took a breath. “Mr. Sandburg, I raised Jimmy. I do know about his senses. I just thought you might want some information about them but if you are going to deny them then I’ve wasted my time,” William moved to rise.

“Mr. Ellison, please. You must realize I have to be careful about what I say. Jim relies on me and my discretion.”

“I understand,” William sat back down somewhat appeased. “I can tell you about Jim’s senses when he was younger and who he inherited them from. But I want a promise that this will remain between us.”

“Is there a reason that Jim shouldn’t know about this?”

“Yes, I have my reasons which you will come to understand in time.”

Blair nodded his agreement. “Okay, please,” he indicated William should continue.

Looking around, his face clearly showing his disapproval of the state of Blair’s office, William shook his head. “I’d rather not do this here. Would you be willing to come to my home at some other time? Steven and I could discuss things with you.”

“I usually don’t see Jim on Fridays because I have office hours for my students and then go out for a drink with some colleagues. I could come by Friday evening if that would work.”

“That would be excellent,” William rose. “I will arrange for Steven to join us. We will see you then, say eight o’clock?” he suggested and Blair nodded, wondering what was so secretive.

*****Friday Evening**

Blair pulled up in front of William Ellison’s house and glanced around, relieved when he didn’t see Jim’s truck anywhere. Deciding to park on the next block, just in case, he moved further away and then walked back to the house, going up the walk and knocking.

The last time he had been here, William had been kidnapped and he barely had time to notice the house that Jim grew up in. This time he looked around noting the well-manicured lawn and well tended porch. He could almost imagine a young Jim sitting on the porch with some friends and he smiled at the image. Reaching out he pressed the doorbell and moments later William’s housekeeper, Sally, opened the door. “Mr. Sandburg,” the diminutive Asian lady smiled and Blair nodded. “Mr. William is expecting you,” she opened the door wider and indicated Blair should follow her to William’s office.

Knocking and then opening the door and walking in, Blair nodded to Steven who was sitting in one of the leather high back chairs, a glass of amber liquid in his hand. “Good evening,” he addressed William, seated in another chair.

“Mr. Sandburg,” William indicated a third leather chair beside a standing lamp that tossed shadows across the Oriental rug. “Please sit. Can I get you anything? Some scotch perhaps.”

“Some water,” Blair answered and William nodded standing and walking over to a wet bar in a corner of the room, where he poured a glass of water, the clink of ice and the tick of a grandfather clock the only sounds in the room. Walking back, he placed the glass on a coaster on the end table beside Blair and resumed his seat.

“I’m glad you were able to come,” he admitted. “Since you are supporting Jimmy with his-“Blair was sure he was about to say infirmity but instead continued, “unique situation, Steven and I feel you should be aware of some things. And yes, before you ask, Steven does know about Jimmy’s senses.

“My first wife, Mary Margaret, was Jimmy’s mother. Steven and Jimmy are actually half-brothers. Steven was my second wife, Grace’s son.

“Jimmy does not know any of what we are about to tell you and I will remind you of your promise to keep this information confidential.

"Mary Margaret was a beautiful woman but not long after our wedding, she went to the shore for a week while I was in Tokyo on business. After she came back she began to complain of sounds that were too loud, lights that were too bright, she complained that her clothes hurt, things tasted wrong.” He shook his head and sighed. “I thought it might be a reaction to being pregnant but even after Jimmy was born she continued to have problems. And they got worse. At times I would come home and find her staring at something, unresponsive. I hired Sally in part to take care of the house but also to watch over Jimmy since I couldn’t trust Mary Margaret with Jimmy.”

“Isolation brings out sentinel abilities,” Blair confirmed.

“Is that what you call Jim’s senses?” Steven piped in and Blair nodded.

“Sentinels, people with heightened senses, were honored in tribal cultures. Sometimes the very survival of the tribe relied on the sentinel’s ability to hunt or identify approaching enemies. The tribe would select a companion, a guide, to support the sentinel when he used his senses so he wouldn’t get lost in one sense.”

“That’s what happened to Mary when I found her staring at nothing?” William asked and Blair nodded.

“I didn’t really know what was happening to her and eventually, as she got worse, I had to hospitalize her. I know it sounds cruel but I divorced her and put her in a long term care facility in Post Falls Idaho where no one would know about her…illness. I’ve been paying the bills for her care ever since.”

Blair wondered if paying for her care made up for hiding her and isolating her but then another thought occurred to him and his eyes widened as he asked his voice rising in shock, “You mean Jim doesn’t know his mother was hospitalized?”

“No, he believes Mary Margaret died when he was four. After I married Grace, she raised both boys so Grace acted as his mother though they’ve never really been close, not the way Steven is with his mother.”

Trying to keep his face from reflecting both his shock and his disapproval, Blair asked more quietly, “What happened to Jim’s mother?”

William sighed and looked down. “She’s still in the care facility. I understand she’s in a catatonic state, has been for years.”

“Don’t you think Jim should know about this, so he can go visit his mother?” Blair asked.

“If I tell him this now, he’ll never see or speak with me again, so, no, I can’t tell him.” William turned and looked at Steven. “And he’d never forgive Steven for keeping this information from him. I think it’s best he doesn’t know.”

“Best…best for whom? I think you are making a mistake. Should Jim ever find out you’ve kept this information from him, he’ll be devastated,” Blair warned.

William shook his head. “We will never tell him but you can understand why I pushed Jimmy to suppress his senses. I didn’t want him to end up like his mother.”

Blair didn’t answer right away and considered all he had heard. “I’d like to go see Jim’s mother,” he said at last.

“Why?” William asked.

“I might be able to help her. I could at least give suggestions to make her more comfortable.”

William considered the request for a few moments and then nodded.  Very well,” he agreed. “I’ll arrange the visit. But you can’t let Jimmy know where you are going or why.”

“I understand,” Blair mumbled, not liking the situation one bit. “Do you know if any other members of your first wife’s family had heightened senses?”

“I have no idea. Mary Margaret never mentioned anything of the sort and I haven’t spoken to anyone in her family since I divorced her thirty five years ago.” William turned and indicated Steven should continue.

“I know you are helping Jim but is there something we can do to help him?” Steven asked.

Blair paused unsure how to answer. The sentinel and guide shared a bond and the bond could not happen if the sentinel didn’t trust the guide. Despite the fact that Jim was at last on speaking terms with his brother and father, Blair doubted he fully trusted either of them or ever would. “The best thing you can do is accept him the way he is, don’t try and get him to suppress or ignore his senses and don’t deny them.”

William looked away as Steven nodded his understanding and Blair suspected that Steven understood the unspoken thought about trust. “As long as you know we would be willing to help him.”

“When…when Jimmy was little,” William picked up the conversation. “I was afraid he would end up like Mary Margaret and so I punished him whenever he used his senses. I even accused him of lying about seeing the coach, Bud Heydash’s, killer. I never realized how close he and the coach were. I think that incident was the final straw that broke the camel’s back. After that the unusual senses seemed to disappear. Needless to say I was very relieved.” William paused and took a sip of some scotch from the table beside his seat. “However, in hindsight I realize that was the end of any relationship between Jimmy and me. I don’t think he ever forgave me for accusing him of lying to get attention. We seemed to grow apart after that and he never turned to me again in any familial way.”

William paused giving a sigh of regret and Blair considered how a ten year old Jim became such as loner. No father or mother at home, a brother who was deliberately pitted against him. No wonder Jim kept people at a distance, it was a survival mechanism in the Ellison household.

“From that point on, I raised Steven and Jimmy to be competitors and that was a mistake. As a result Steven lost his older brother but at the time it seemed a way to make them both strong. When Steven damaged my car and I blamed Jimmy,” William glanced for a moment at his son and Steven looked down, his cheeks reddening with embarrassment, “and I wouldn’t believe Jimmy, it must have brought back his feelings when Bud Heydash died and I guess he’d had enough of me and enlisted in the army.

“I know I don’t have a good relationship with Jimmy, I probably never will, but I have something now and don’t want to lose that. Steven and I have a good relationship, far better than the one I share with Jimmy. Part of the reason might have been jealousy at his relationship with Heydash and fear of his senses that made me keep Jimmy at arm’s length but I do love him, I’m proud of him, and want whatever is best for him.”

As Blair nodded his understanding, thinking this was truly a tragedy, William stood, indicating the meeting was over. Walking to the office door, he opened it and glanced back at Blair. “Can I get you coffee or something?” he asked and Blair realizing it was William’s less than subtle way of ending their meeting shook his head no.

“I should get going. I have work to grade.”

“Thank you, Mr. Sandburg. I’ll contact you about visiting Mary Margaret.”

Blair nodded and walked out the door and around the corner to his car.

*****Saturday Morning**

“Hey Chief, everything okay?” Jim asked as Blair emerged from the bathroom and made a beeline for the coffeepot on the counter.

“Sure why would something be wrong?” Blair answered trying to keep his voice calm and his breathing even as he glanced at Jim who was grabbing his jacket and reaching for his keys, ready to head out the door and run some Saturday morning errands. It wouldn’t do to have Jim realize how upsetting the meeting the evening before had been.

“I heard you toss and turn all night,” Jim answered.

“Did I wake you? I’m sorry man,” Blair began to redirect the conversation as he tried to come up with a reason for not sleeping well.

“Sandburg,” Jim interrupted. “Just answer me, is everything okay?”

“Yeah, sure, I’m just worried about some upcoming tests and things at Rainier.”

“Ones you’re giving or taking?”

“Both I guess.”

“Look if you need some time, don’t come to the PD for a few days. I’ll get by doing my own reports.”

Blair chuckled and nodded. “If you’re sure you don’t need me, I might do that this week,” he admitted.

“Not a problem, Sandburg. I’m going to get the truck tuned. I’ll pick up some groceries on my way home. Call me if you need me or think of anything I should pick up.”

Blair nodded and waved, sipping the much needed coffee and watching Jim leave before taking a deep breath. Yeah, he hadn’t slept well. The whole thing with Jim’s mother had him on edge and he still wasn’t sure what to do. He had promised William Ellison he wouldn’t tell Jim about Mary Margaret but it didn’t seem right not to tell him. On the one hand he knew William was right, if Jim learned what they had kept from him, Jim might never talk to William or Steven again. But if he didn’t tell Jim, and Jim found out he knew about Mary Margaret, Jim would take it as an act of betrayal and shut down. That would leave Jim, a sentinel, with no guide and Blair without his best friend. And truthfully, to Blair’s mind, it would be an act of betrayal. Blair’s first loyalty was to Jim, not William or Steven and, as Jim’s guide, his “job” was to protect Jim, not them.

Last night, running over scenarios in his mind, Blair had thought about “accidentally” finding the information and presenting it to Jim but nixed that idea when he realized Jim would know William had been footing the bill for Mary Margaret’s care. And despite everything, Blair didn’t want Jim to give up on his family. Though admittedly, after last night he was having second thoughts about that. He had been pushing Jim at Steven and William trying to help them reconnect. That reconnection did not look as pretty today and he doubted he would be quite as pushy after what he learned.

Not sure what to do, Blair had tossed and turned all night. “Caught between a rock and a hard place,” he muttered as he finished the coffee and grabbed his keys, deciding he needed to get out and he might as well go and get some blue books to grade from his office.

In his office at Rainer, Blair had just finished gathering the books when Steven Ellison knocked on the door and entered his office. “Mr. Sandburg,” he addressed Blair and held out a small envelope. “This is the information my father promised. I wanted to leave it at Rainier so Jim wouldn’t see it. I was going to push it under the door but since you are here…”

Blair took the envelope and looked up at Steven. “Do you agree with your father that Jim shouldn’t know about this?” he asked.

Steven looked over Blair for a few minutes and then nodded. “I never met Jim’s mother,” Steven replied, “at least not when she was alert. I did go to see her one time with my father. I doubt Jim even remembers her and my father is right; Jim would never forgive any of us for not telling him. Unfortunately, that now includes you.”

Blair shook his head. “This is just wrong,” he whispered and Steven nodded in sympathy.

“I am sorry my father got you involved in this. I told him not to but he isn’t one to listen to me.

“And there is something else you should know. Maybe because of the senses, maybe because what happened with Jim’s mother, I was my father’s favorite. I wasn’t spoiled or anything, my father would never spoil either of his sons, but he generally approved of me more than Jim even when Jim deserved it more. I didn’t recognize then that I was getting better treatment but looking back over the years, I was and it had to affect our relationship.”

“Sometimes parents don’t realize they are playing favorites,” Blair offered thinking over William’s statement that Steven had been closer with Grace Ellison than Jim had. So Steven had been favored by both parents and Jim punished because he was a sentinel.

“Yeah, I don’t think my father realizes it to this day. Anyway, I should go.” Steven turned to the door but then turned back and looked at Blair. “I am sorry about this.”

“So am I,” Blair agreed before reading through the enclosed information and locking the envelope in his file cabinet. Still unsure what to do about Jim, Blair decided he would go visit Mary M. Smith, aka Mary Margaret Ellison, at Sweeping Pines care facility in Post Falls Idaho before doing anything.

*****Saturday Evening**

“Did you mean it when you said you wouldn’t need me for a few days?” Blair asked as they sat eating dinner that night. Blair had come home and still feeling guilty over what he knew about Jim’s mother made a dinner he knew Jim would like. Twice baked potatoes with cheddar cheese, meatloaf wrapped with bacon, and cheesy broccoli were offset by a nice Greek salad with extra feta cheese thrown on for good measure.

Jim had taken one look at the meal and his eyes had narrowed as he turned to Blair. “What tests do you want to preform?”

“No tests, man or at least nothing right now.”

“Okay, what did you break?” Blair rolled his eyes and indicated Jim should sit as he carried two beers to the table.

“I was thinking of visiting a friend who is in a hospital in Idaho. I’d probably leave tomorrow and get home Monday.”

“What about Rainier and your tests?”

“I figure the drive would give me a chance to clear my head. It’s 300 miles each way.”

“I see. Of course you should go, take your time and do what you need to do, Chief. And if you need some help with your friend…”

“Thanks,” Blair answered digging into his food. “But you’ll call me if you need me, right?”

“Yes, Sandburg.”

“I’ll leave Simon my number just in case.”

“Sandburg, I’ll be fine, the loft will be fine, Cascade will be fine, stop worrying,” Jim answered with exasperated amusement and a fond smile.

Blair looked up from his plate and saw the twinkle in Jim’s eye and the smile on his face and gave an almost shy smile of his own. He loved these little banters with Jim and if he were to be totally honest with himself, he loved more than that. Lately, he had been thinking quite a bit about taking their friendship to the next level. He suspected Jim might be amenable to a more intense relationship. Jim had been giving off subtle vibes and Blair had been responding in kind.

Thinking over the chance and then thinking about Mary Margaret, Blair’s smile faded and he looked down at his plate. He couldn’t share a relationship with Jim, not until he resolved this mess about Jim’s mother. Right now he felt like the sword of Damocles was suspended over their heads. If they started a relationship and then Jim found out what Blair was hiding, he gave an internal shudder at what that would cost them both.

“Make sure you charge your phone and take cash with you. Do you need any?” Jim asked, seeing the sudden change in Blair’s demeanor and wondering if it was concern for the friend or a lack of funds for the road.

“No, I just got paid for one of my papers and I’m only going over night. I’ll stay somewhere in Post Falls for the night and head back Monday.” Blair looked up, forcing a smile he didn’t feel. “Eat up, Jim. I’m not making anything this heavy in fat anytime soon.”

*****Sunday Afternoon**

Sweeping Pines screamed money. A graceful plantation manor, obviously well maintained, with large white pillars that shaded a wraparound porch was the first thing a visitor saw when passing through the very high security gates. Many of the older residents were sitting in rocking chairs on the porch, watching as some played cards, others on the fine lawn were painting on easels set up for that purpose, or just sitting and talking or knitting. Flowers were carefully tended and fountains trickled harmoniously as patients walked among the gardens and attendants in crisp white clothes attended to their needs keeping a watchful eye. As Blair walked up to the front door he wondered just how much William paid to keep Mary Smith here.

Opening the door, Blair glanced at a palatial front hall with a grand staircase that divided and went to two different wings of the building. Overhead a crystal chandelier sparkled and art and sculptures were placed tastefully around the room. On either side of the hall, were large rooms decked in with antique furniture.

“Mr. Sandburg,” a woman in a tailored Versace suit came forward.

“Yes,” Blair nodded, feeling underdressed for this place. He was wearing his best pair of jeans, his Nike sneakers, and an oxford long sleeve shirt. His long curls were tied back and the earrings he sometimes sported were off.

“I’m Susan Blake, one of the social directors here at Sweeping Pines. Mr. Ellison contacted me and told me you would be visiting Mary. I can take you to see her but I should warn you, this is not one of her good days.”

“Her good days?” Blair questioned.

“Yes, some days she is more responsive to things around her than others. Today is not one of her responsive days, I’m afraid.”

“I’d like to see her.”

“Since it is such a beautiful spring day, we took her outside for some sun,” Susan said, leading Blair out a side door and onto the veranda. In the distance, sitting in a rocker was an older woman. She was very thin with white hair tied back with a pink ribbon. She was wearing a light blue silk dress that matched he eyes and around her shoulders was a soft cotton shawl decorated with small pick flowers. Her hands were folded in her lap and Susan Blake came over and put a hand on Mary’s. “Mary,” Susan said softly. “You have a visitor. Blair Sandburg is here to see you.”

Mary didn’t respond and Susan looked over at Blair. “I’ll be inside should you need me.”

“Thank you,” Blair whispered and moved closer, pulling over a rocker and taking a seat, his eyes moving over her slack features before placing his left hand on her arm, gently rubbing her hand in a rhythmic fashion. “Your son James has the same color eyes as you,” he said softly as he reached with his right hand into his backpack and withdrew a small test tube, opening the stopper. The scent of vanilla filled the air and Blair could see that for a moment Mary sniffed at the air before settling back into what Blair considered a deep zone. “Your son, James, he looks a lot like you. He’s a detective. You would be so proud of him,” he told Mary as he continued rubbing gentle circles on her hand and watched as she tilted her head, just as Jim did when listening with his senses. “He’s tall and buff and really handsome. I’d like for him to come and visit you, one day. You might like that as well. And I’ll tell you a secret, I’m in love with him and I think he’s in love with me.”

For one second, Blair was sure he saw a smile curl up the corners of her lips but then it disappeared. “William is still living in the same house so I’ve seen where Jim grew up,” Blair continued, his eyes on her face as he talked. He continued on for an hour, telling Mary about Jim and his careers and finally sat back when Susan Blake returned.

“How is Mary,” she asked coming over.

Blair wanted to say “lost in her senses” but instead answered, “I saw her smile.”

“She does have a nice smile,” Susan agreed.

“I notice she is wearing a silk dress,” Blair nodded at Mary’s clothes, not entirely comfortable that he was talking about her as if she weren’t there. But he wanted to be sure that her sense of touch wasn’t compromised by manufactured materials.

“She always wears silk or cotton. The same with her bedding. We noticed that she sometimes had reactions to other materials. We also had to find a very mild detergent for her laundry.”

“Good, I was going to suggest it. Another member of her family had some sensitivities to different materials.”

Susan glanced down at the woman seated in the rocking chair and smiled sadly. “I wasn’t here when she came to live here but I understand that loud noises, bright lights, spicy food, all caused her problems. Lately, all she does in stare out into space.”

Blair stood and after gathering his things bent down to give her a kiss on her cheek and then followed Susan back inside. “She’s not well,” Susan said softly. “We try to keep her as comfortable as possible but she’s developed a serous heart condition and she doesn’t react well to the medications.”

“Mr. Ellison knows?”

“Oh yes, we would never keep that kind of information from him.”

“Well, it was nice meeting you,” Blair held out his hand and Susan shook it. “I might be back to see her again soon.”

“That would be very nice,” Susan answered as she walked Blair to the door and watched as he walked down the steps.

Following the path, Blair walked to the parking lot and got in his car before looking back at Sweeping Pines. The place really was nice and probably cost a fortune but as beautiful as it was, Mary Margaret was locked in her own world, lost somewhere between life and death. If only a guide had been there for Mary Margaret, she could have lived a full life.

*****Monday Evening**

Blair had been home for about two hours when Jim walked in from work. “Hey Sandburg,” he called out and Blair came out of his room. “How was your friend?”

“As well as can be expected,” Blair answered and Jim could hear the note of sadness in Blair’s voice.

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

“I’ll let you know if there is. How was your day?” Blair asked deciding to change the subject before Jim could probe further.

“Fine, I spent some time going over my testimony with the assistant DA in charge of the Edison case. The man needs to get his act together. He asks the same questions eight or nine times. He’s constantly fussing with his papers so it makes him look like he hasn’t got the case together and he has an air of incompetence about him.”

“I hope you pointed some of these things out to him?”

“No, but I think I made him more nervous. After the fifth time he asked the same questions, I started to get annoyed and after that he kept dropping things every time he asked me a question.” Blair chuckled, imagining Jim’s glacial stare scaring the DA. “By the time I got out of his office, I ended up helping H and Rafe. They wanted another perspective on one of their cases.”

“No problems with any of your senses?”

Jim shook his head no and Blair glanced towards the kitchen. “Whose turn is it to cook?” he asked.

“Mine,” Jim admitted. “How about pizza?”

“The pie of death, sure why not,” Blair agreed. “Then I’m meeting up with someone I might be tutoring. I’ll only be gone an hour or two.”

After ordering and eating the pie, Blair grabbed his keys and with a wave to Jim went out the door heading for William Ellison’s house. He had called William as soon as he got home - wanting to get the call in before Jim got home - saying he had seen Mary Margaret and wanted to speak with him.

Blair had heard the reluctance in William’s voice but had agreed to see him so once again he parked around the corner and made his way to William’s house.

“Mr. Sandburg,” Sally smiled a greeting and led Blair into William’s office. Steven was sitting there, nursing a drink and William indicated Blair should take the seat he had occupied on his last visit.

“Good evening,” Blair offered as he took a seat.

“Good evening,” Steven said and William nodded.

“You wanted to meet with us,” William said with a degree of ice in his voice. “What is it you wanted to discuss?”

“I went to Sweeping Pines and yesterday and met Jim’s mother. She’s very ill.”

“So I have been told,” William answered, his voice flat and Blair wondered if was relieved that the bill for her care would soon be gone.

“She is zoned,” Blair continued. “I could help bring her out but after all these years; there really is no chance of her recovering fully.”

“You could have said this over the phone,” William snapped.

“Yes, I could, but I could help her. She could be more alert, she could enjoy her last days but Jim would have to know what I was doing.”

“Absolutely not,” William answered. “I’ve already explained to you that Jimmy is not to know any of this.”

“Don’t you think Jim should have a chance to get to know his mother?”

“If he wants to connect with a mother, he can connect with Grace.”

“Mr. Ellison-”

“No, Mr. Sandburg,” William cut him off. “You agreed not to tell Jimmy and I am holding you to that.”

“Steven?” Blair turned to Jim’s brother hoping to plead his case. “What do you think?”

“I think I agree with my father. Jim hasn’t known any of this until now, so what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him and if he did know it would hurt him and our relationship.”

Blair sighed. “This is your final word?” he asked and both men nodded. Shaking his head, Blair stood. These two men were two selfish to see the effect of their actions and didn’t care about the impact on Jim as long as it didn’t inconvenience them. “Then I’ll be going.”

Steven stood leading Blair to the door. “I’m sorry Mr. Sandburg,” he said at the door. “But the way I see it, Jim’s mother is dying anyway.” Blair didn’t answer but walked out.

*****Wednesday Afternoon**

Blair avoided the PD on Tuesday just to keep up the appearance that he had a lot of work to do at Rainer. He still wasn’t sleeping well as he tried to reconcile his dilemma about telling or not telling Jim about his mother. In his heart he knew Jim needed to know what was happening and the guilt at hiding something so important from Jim was gnawing at him. On Tuesday evening, Jim seeing a pale Blair with dark circles under his eyes, had asked if there was something wrong and Blair had told the complete truth saying he had a lot on his mind. “Does this have to do with your friend in the hospital?” Jim had asked and Blair had nodded. Jim had offered to help and that only made Blair feel worse.

Still unsure what he was going to do, Blair decided he couldn’t just stay at Rainier, hiding out from his responsibilities as Jim’s guide, after all Jim might need help with his senses. So, Wednesday afternoon, Blair walked into the bullpen. Walking over to Jim’s desk he looked around and then turned to Rhonda. “Hi Rhonda,” he smiled. “Where’s Jim?”

Rhonda shook her head. “Would you believe the assistant DA on the Edison case screwed up and lost information? Jim is with him right now trying to straighten things out and I don’t think he’ll be back anytime soon. He left word that you should go out to lunch and he’ll catch up with you a little later.”

“He did mention this assistant DA is a bit disorganized,” Blair answered with a conspiratorial wink. “I guess I’ll go out and get some lunch. Can I get you anything Rhonda?”

“No thanks,” she smiled and Blair turned almost bumping into Joel Taggart, Captain of the Bomb Squad.

“Hi Joel,” Blair smiled

“Hi Blair, did I just hear you are going out to lunch?” Blair nodded and Joel smiled. “Want some company?”

“Sure.”

“Great, we can go to Crazy Joe’s. Their wings and cheese fries are to die for.”

“Aren’t you dieting?”

“Of course, I’ll skip dessert,” Joel answered leading Blair to the elevator.

Joel drove and they soon found themselves in the back booth of Crazy Joe’s a large plate of wings and cheese fries in front of them.

“How are things going for you Blair? School okay? Jim said you were worried about school.”

“I’m not really worried about school,” Blair admitted. “I’ve been dealing with a problem.”

“Can I help?” Joel asked wiping off his mouth and sitting back.

Blair thought about the offer and then nodded. “I could use some advice,” he admitted. “I have a good friend, Barbara. She was adopted when she was very young and doesn’t remember her birth mother. I, sort of, by accident, found out who her birth mother is and it ends up Barb’s adoptive parents knew who she was all along and didn’t tell Barb when she asked them. They still don’t want me to tell Barb about her mother. They think she will be mad at them for keeping the information from her and they made me promise not to tell Barb. But Barb’s birth mother is really sick and if I don’t tell her now she may never get a chance to meet her mother. I would be betraying Barb’s parents if I told Barb about her mother but, I think it is wrong not to tell.”

Joel gave an exaggerated sigh. “Jim mentioned you were going to visit a friend in a hospital. Is this the one?”

“Yes.”

“Barb’s birth mother, why did she give Barb up for adoption?”

“She was not well and had just gone through a nasty divorce.”

Joel considered this a moment. “The way I see it, in either case, you will betraying someone’s trust.” Blair nodded his agreement and Joel continued. “Which do you think is the bigger sin? When you can answer that, you’ll know what to do.”

“You’re right,” Blair agreed with a sigh. “I wish I’d never found out about her mother.”

“But you have and what you decide to do is about your character.”

“Thanks,” Blair answered as Joel signaled for the check.

*****Wednesday Evening**

After lunch Jim called Blair to let him know he was still with the assistant DA and wouldn’t get back until late afternoon. As a result, Blair decided to head home. On the way, he picked up ingredients for a shrimp stir fry and had everything prepped when Jim walked in.

“Hey Sandburg,” he waved before going to secure his gun and seeing Jim lock up the gun Blair gave a sigh of relief. At least Jim wouldn’t shoot him after the discussion Blair was planning on having with Jim tonight.

“Hi Jim, I’ve all the makings for shrimp stir fry.”

“I thought it was my turn to cook.”

“I was home so…” Blair waved his hand indicating the food as he tossed the vegetables into the wok.

“I’m not complaining,” Jim answered grabbing two beers and handing one to Blair. “The idiot assistant DA wasted my whole day.”

“Rhonda did mention it to me,” Blair answered. “So, I went to lunch with Joel. Sit down and relax, I’ll have the food ready in a few.”

“Thanks,” Jim answered reaching for plates and cutlery before taking a seat. “Did Joel talk you into going to Crazy Joe’s for wings? Whenever he goes there he tells his wife that it’s the other person’s fault.”

“Yeah we ended up there. Not the healthiest place,” Blair agreed.

“And not on his diet,” Jim added before serving the stir fry.

“It was some meal. I don’t think I’ve digested it yet,” Blair answered, playing with his food.

Jim looking over and seeing a very pale Blair play with his food asked, “Blair, what’s wrong?”

Blair looked up hearing Jim use his name and tried to smile but the smile fell flat and his voice shook as he said, “I want to talk to you about the friend…the person I went to see in the hospital.”

“Is it something I can help you with?” Jim asked gently, putting down his fork.

“Yeah, I think it is,” Blair pushed his plate away and indicated Jim should eat. “Finish and then we’ll talk. I’m really not hungry,” Blair rose and took his plate to the sink, dumping the food and starting to wash the plate with shaking hands. Almost immediately Jim’s hands closed around his, placing the plate back in the sink, before he lead Blair to the sofa and sat next to him.

“Talk to me. You’ve been upset since Friday. It’s time to tell me what’s wrong.”

At those words Blair looked up into Jim’s concerned face and realized he was doing the right thing. Jim was there for him, waiting to help and Blair couldn’t betray him, not for William, not for Steven. “You…you need to know about the person I went to visit.” Blair paused and took a breath. “Jim, it was your mother.”

“Are you talking about Grace, my stepmother? I’m sure I would have heard-”

“Not your stepmother, your mother.”

"My mother died when I was four."

“No she didn’t Jim. That was what your father told you, it wasn’t the truth. He divorced her and put her in a care facility thirty five years ago. I met her on Sunday. She’s a sentinel who has been in a deep zone for years.”

Jim sat back and looked at Blair his eyes wide in shock as he tried to get a handle on what Blair was telling him. “What? How?” he paused.

Blair wiped at his eyes and then looked up at Jim shaking his head. “Your father asked to meet me Friday night. He knew I was helping you with your senses and he wanted to justify his actions when you were younger. I went to see him and he made me promise not to tell you about the meeting.” Blair paused a moment and then rushed on. “He told me the reason he punished you and made you suppress your senses was because he didn’t want you to end up like your mother. He told me she was in a long term care facility in Idaho and that you thought she was dead. So I went to see her and…and then I went back and begged your father to tell you about her. He refused,” Blair finished in a flat voice. “She’s dying, Jim. You need to go see her while you still can.” Blair looked down his hair falling forward to hide his face as he added in a shaky whisper, “I couldn’t hide this from you. It would just be wrong.”

Jim said nothing and Blair glanced up at Jim’s face seeing a host emotions pass across his features: shock, hurt and finally, anger.

“Please don’t try and justify his actions,” Jim said his voice cold.

“No, I can’t justify his actions, not even if I wanted to, which I don’t.”

“This is what has been bothering you the last few days?”

“I had made a promise to your father but I would be betraying you and I took a few days to see if there was some way I could resolve this for both of you.”

“And you couldn’t find a way,” Jim surmised.

“No, your father was just wrong.”

“Wrong and selfish, Sandburg. He didn’t do this for me, he did it for himself.” Blair nodded. “Does Steven know any of this?” Blair’s heart sank at the question but he knew he had to answer honestly.

“All of it. He was with your father and agreed with him.”

“I see,” Jim stood.

“Where are you going?” Blair asked, his voice sounding panicky.

Jim walked to the door and glanced back at Blair, looking over the slight tremble in his guide’s body and the almost desperate look. Blair was completely on edge, afraid, and Jim guessed he was worried about what actions Jim might take. “I’m going to go for a walk. I’m not going to go see my father right now. I’d kill him if I did.” He opened the door and stepped out and, as he walked down the hall, Jim's sentinel hearing picked up Blair’s whispered, “I’m so sorry, Jim.”

*****Later Wednesday Night**

Jim slowly made his way into 852 Prospect Avenue. Every part of his body hurt and his senses were spiking, driving nails into his eyes and head at every change in sound or light. He had walked down to the bay and looked out at the water, watching it lap gently at the pier as he thought about what he had learned. He had always known his father was a manipulative bastard who hated Jim’s senses. His father had denied them and then when he couldn’t deny them, had punished Jim for using them. When his father admitted he had known about them and said he had forced Jim to repress them to protect Jim, deep down inside, Jim had known that wasn’t the entire truth. It was definitely part of why his father had acted the way he had, Jim acknowledged that but, the fact of the matter was, Jim’s senses didn’t fit in William’s neat little world.

Still to find out that his father had hidden his mother away when Jim could have known her. Would it really have hurt to tell him? And to think Steven knew! He had been betrayed before, both by father and son, but they gained nothing from this betrayal. This was just cruel and showed their real feelings – or lack of feelings for Jim.

Jim had stood down by the water for a long time, looking out and wondering how his father could have been and could continue to be so cruel. As he watched the water, not really seeing anything, he could hear people talking, mother’s laughing with their sons and daughters as they made their way home for the night. Finally, with his senses spiking, near blinded by the pale evening light, feeling nauseous, he turned for home, dragging himself along.

Walking in the building, he looked at the stairs, wondering if he even had enough energy to climb three flights before pushing the button for the elevator. He didn’t know what he was going to do about his family, or accurately about his father and brother, but Blair was right. He would call Simon and get a few days off and go meet his mother.

As the elevator opened, he stepped inside, pushing the button for the third floor and nearly collapsed against the wall. He felt so empty, so drained of life, that he wondered why he kept going on. But, as the elevator reached the third floor, he straightened, pride and strength in his ability to endure rising up.

He made it to the door of 307 and fumbled for his keys, his sense of touch so far out of whack that he couldn’t grasp the metal keys in his pocket but before he could worry about that Blair opened the door and, taking one look at Jim, pulled him inside, helping him to the sofa. What seemed like just seconds later, water and some aspirin were pushed into his trembling hands and his guide’s soft voice insisted he take the pills.

Jim did, closing his eyes against the light and Blair stepping behind Jim, placed his hands on Jim’s temples, gently messaging his face, then neck and finally shoulders. “I want you to dial everything down, Jim,” he whispered softly. “Start with sight.”

“Can’t,” Jim chocked out. “Dials are shot.”

“Yes, you can. Each time you feel my fingers go round think of them as a dial and lower the number.”

It took Blair nearly two hours to get Jim’s senses to the point where he could relax and Jim fell asleep on the sofa, his head in Blair’s lap, as Blair continued to softly stroke Jim, keeping watch, unshed tears in his eyes.

*****Thursday Morning**

The first thing Jim noticed before he even opened his eyes on Thursday morning was that he had the lumpiest pillow. It took him a moment to realize he was lying on Blair’s lap but then the previous evening’s events came back hitting with the speed and strength of a Mack Truck. Sitting up and rubbing a hand across his face, he glanced over at Blair who had concern written all over his face. “How are you feeling?” he questioned softly.

“Senses are down,” Jim answered. “I’m sorry about this,” he waved his hand at the sofa.

“Don’t be. I’m glad I was there for you.”

“I’m going to call Simon and take a few days off. Then I’m going to drive to Idaho and…and see my mother.”

“Do you want me to come?”

“Can you take time off?”

“Yeah, I’ll get one of the other TAs to cover for me.”

Jim nodded and rose, heading for the bathroom, Blair watching him go with an aching heart before getting up and starting the coffee pot.

Jim came out looking pale but composed and poured himself a cup of coffee before picking up the phone.

“Simon,” Blair heard as he came out of his bedroom carrying his clothes. “I need a few days off.” Blair watched as Jim winced and continued more forcibly. “I am calling in sick and you can tell that assistant DA I don’t give a rat’s ass what he wants.” With that Jim slammed the phone down and went upstairs to go pack.

Blair was just out of the bathroom when there was a knock at the door and Jim called, “It’s Simon, can you let him in?”

“Sure,” Blair opened the door and stared up into the face of an irate police captain. “Hi Simon,” he said.

“Where’s Jim, I want to know what the hell is going on and why I shouldn’t suspend his ass for hanging up on me.”

Jim didn’t leave Blair to answer for him but instead walked down the stairs. As soon as Simon saw him, Simon stopped his rant realizing something was seriously wrong. Jim was practically sheet white with dark circles under his eyes. His body was beyond tense and Simon noted a slight tremor in his hands. “Shit, Jim, you do look bad. What’s going on?”

“I’m getting in the shower. Chief, fill in Simon. Tell him the whole story. He’s a friend, he should know.”

Blair nodded solemnly and offered Simon some coffee before telling him what they had learned.

“I can’t believe this,” Simon was repeating for the third time, sitting at the table, staring into his coffee when Jim came out of the shower. He looked over at Jim and stood. “Jim, take as long as you need. I’ll call Beverly Sanchez and get the idiot assistant DA off your back. We’ll need you once the trial starts but other than that, I’ll reassign your cases. Let me know if there is anything I can do.”

Jim nodded his thanks and Simon left. “You ready to go, Chief?” he asked and Blair, grabbing a duffel, followed Jim out the door.

Blair had tried a couple of times to get Jim to talk on the drive but Jim had told Blair, “He needed some time to think over everything,” as they followed Blair’s directions heading for Sweeping Pines. They were at the state border heading from Washington to Idaho when Jim roused himself from his silent brooding and asked, “Why didn’t you tell me about her sooner?”

Blair had been expecting and dreading this question. He sighed and glanced out the window at the passing landscape. “I needed time to resolve my own dilemma at the promise I had made and I wanted to see if there was a way to change your father’s mind. I went to see your mother and then went to your father saying I could help her but you needed to be involved. When your father refused to budge and reminded me of the promise I had made, I thought about what I had promised. I even got advice from Joel-”

“You told Joel about this?” Jim cut in, his voice rising in shock.

“Of course, not,” Blair snapped back and then took a breath, reminding himself this was very upsetting for Jim. “I told Joel about my adopted friend Barbara and her birth mother. Anyway, when I told Joel that my friend Barbara wanted to meet her birth mother and I knew where her birth mother was but had promised her adoptive parents I wouldn’t tell her and I wasn’t sure what to do, Joel told me either way I was betraying someone and I needed to choose what I knew was right.”

“Joel is a smart man,” Jim said softly. “Tell me about my mother.”

Blair smiled sadly. “You have her eyes beyond that there’s nothing I can tell you.”

“What’s your take on my father and brother?”

Blair had been expecting the question and because he wasn’t going lie to Jim, he had to admit what Jim’s father and brother had done was selfish and showed very little regard for Jim. “Your dad and brother, they do care about you.” He could see Jim get ready to protest so he held up a hand, “but they care more about themselves and their status. They didn’t keep the information from you to hurt you, but they both knew you should have been given this information and it would upset their little worlds and embarrass them.” Blair took a breath and added, “They don’t act like family where you are concerned and I’m sorry I ever pushed you at them. I won’t do that again.”

“I always knew my father favored Steven. I just assumed it was because Grace favored Steven. I never thought it had to do with my senses or my mother’s senses.

“All these years,” Jim added sadly and shook his head before turning down the road to Sweeping Pines. Arriving at the main gate, Jim informed the security guard he was there to visit Mary Smith and the guard called up to the house before signaling them in and directing him to the parking lot.

Getting out of the truck, Jim glanced at Blair. “Would you believe I’m nervous about meeting her?”

“That’s normal,” Blair soothed. “Just take your time, when you’re ready we’ll go in.” Jim nodded and took a couple of deep breaths, his eyes scanning the area.

“At least the place he put in her wasn’t a dump,” Jim muttered and purposely walked up the stairs to the main house.

Susan Blake was waiting for them just outside the door. “Mr. Sandburg,” she inclined her head. “I wasn’t expecting you back so soon.” Turning to Jim she smiled. “Hello, I’m Susan Blake, one of the recreational directors.”

“James Ellison,” Jim shook her hand.

“Mary is near the fountain. The sound of trickling water sometimes soothes her. Let me take you to her.” She led the way out the side door, down the veranda and across the manicured lawn, stopping by a white marble fountain. “Hello, Mary,” Susan bent down to be eyelevel with the older woman. “You have visitors, Mr. Sandburg and Mr. Ellison.” Straightening up, she smiled and indicated lawn chairs in the distance. “Can I get you chairs?”

“I’ll get them,” Blair answered and Susan turned to the house.

“If you need anything…” she didn’t finish but smiled as Mr. Ellison reached down to take Mary’s hand.

Blair followed her up to the porch and carried back one lawn chair placing it down by Jim. “I’ll be on the veranda if you need me.”

“Thanks, Chief,” he watched Blair walk up to the veranda and turned back to his mother.

“Mom,” he said softly, holding Mary’s hand. “It’s me, Jimmy. I’ve come to see you.”

Jim didn’t expect an answer but Mary’s eyes focused and she looked up at Jim, her eyes taking in the man seated before her. Slowly, hesitantly, a hand reached up to cup Jim’s face. “Jimmy?” she whispered, her eyes searching his face and slowly a smile lit up her face. “My Jimmy?”

“Yeah, Mom, your Jimmy.”

“So big, so handsome,” she whispered, “so strong.” She let her hand drop her fingers entwining with Jim’s.

“I am glad I found you, Mom,” Jim smiled and then wiped at his eyes with his free hand.

“The jaguar told me to wait for you.”

“The jaguar?” Jim repeated and she nodded.

“The jaguar who travels with the wolf.”

“I’m glad you waited.”

Mary smiled and lifted Jim’s hand to her lips, kissing his palm. “I am going to go into the light soon. But the wolf will be there for you.”

“Can’t you stay a little longer,” Jim chocked out.

“It is beyond my time and I’m ready to go. I just wanted to see you one more time and I have been blessed with the chance. It won’t be painful.”

Jim nodded and Mary let Jim’s hand drop to her lap. “I’ll sleep now but I’ll be at peace.”

“There’s so much I would like to tell you,” Jim whispered. “So much we’ve missed.”

“It is alright. I’ve instilled my gifts in you. Whether I see it or not, you will always make me proud.” With a last loving sigh, Mary closed her eyes and Jim, sitting and holding her hand could hear her heart slow and then stop, her features relaxed, a small smile on her face.

It was a few minutes before Jim stood and walked over to the veranda taking a seat beside Blair. “She’s gone.”

“Gone?”

“Her heart stopped five minutes ago.”

“I’m sorry Jim. I wish you could have had more time with her.”

“She waited for me, Chief. The jaguar told her I was coming.”

“What?”

“She said ‘the jaguar who travels with the wolf’ said I would come.”

“Your spirit animal watched over her. There’s something comforting in that,” Blair whispered as Susan Blake came out onto the veranda.

“Is everything okay?” she asked.

“She fell asleep,” Jim answered. He didn’t feel ready to say she was dead. “We are going to be staying at the Hampton Court nearby and we’ll come visit her again tomorrow. Here’s my cellphone number in case you need to speak with me.”

“Thank you,” Susan Blake took the card. “It’s such a beautiful day we will let sleep out here an hour or two and then bring her inside.” She led the two men to the front door. “We’ll see you tomorrow,” she shook hands with Jim and Blair and they walked down the steps and headed for the parking lot.

“She’s going to be calling in an hour or two to tell us your mother passed on,” Blair pointed out and Jim nodded.

“Yeah, I’ll ask about funeral arrangements at the time.”

“You think your father made arrangements?”

“I’m sure,” Jim answered heading for the hotel. “I’m sure he’ll be happy he doesn’t have to foot the bill for that place any longer. I’m sure it costs a pretty penny. But you should know, Blake will probably tell him we were there.”

“He’d find out I told you at some point anyway,” Blair shrugged. Having decided on this course of action he wasn’t going to regret it. If anything, the statement about the spirit guides told him he had done the right thing.

“We’ll deal with him when the time comes and you won’t be dealing with him alone,” Jim answered, the cold steel in his voice reminiscent of the voice Jim used on suspects. Blair wasn’t sure if the statement was meant to be a threat or a promise.

As expected, the call came two hours later. Susan Blake, sounding incredibly sympathetic, told Jim and Blair that Mary had passed in her sleep while still out by the fountain.

“She went very peacefully,” Susan said when Jim and Blair arrived at Sweeping Pines twenty minutes later.

“I’m glad for that,” Jim answered. “Do I need to make funeral arrangements?”

“No, Mr. Ellison made arrangements long ago. There will be a small ceremony at Russo Funeral Home and then she will be interred at Green Pines. I’ve left a message for Mr. Ellison asking that he call, so I can finalize the arrangements. In the meantime, Russo’s has already been here.”

“Good, I’m sure my father will want to do that. In the meantime, is there a chance that I can go through her belongings? There might be something there the family may want.”

“She never had much but I’ll show you her room,” Susan Blake led Jim and Blair upstairs. Opening the door to a small room, Susan indicated the closet. “Her things are in there.”

“Thank you,” Jim nodded and opened the closet while Blair looked over the bed and night table. There were clothes in the closet, mostly silk and cotton shirts and dresses. But on a shelf in a corner was a photo album. Lifting it, Jim walked over to the bed and sat down, Blair coming to sit beside him.

Opening it, Jim looked through pictures of a very beautiful Mary Margaret’s wedding to a much younger William Ellison and then pictures of their home, and finally, pictures of Jim – starting from infancy to age four. “This album is well worn,” Jim said. “I can feel the indentations from her fingers.”

Sitting beside his friend, Blair placed a hand on Jim’s arm. “I wish I could have helped her.”

“I know, Chief. I wish I could have known her.” Jim closed the album and stood tucking it under his arm as he looked around the room. It was a light, pleasant room that looked out on the fine lawn. Fresh flowers sat in a vase in the corner and the walls were painted in muted greens. “I’m sure my father will want her buried as soon as possible so we’ll stay for the service.”

“Of course,” Blair agreed.

“And then we’ll visit my father.”

*****Friday Morning**

There was a small gathering at Russo’s Chapel for Mary M. Smith. Jim and Blair were there as well as Susan Blake, and another colleague, Martha Jones. Blair had spoken with Simon the previous night and though Simon couldn’t make the 300 mile trip that morning for the funeral, he did send flowers.

There was little for the chaplain to say about Mary and soon after the service Jim and Blair followed the hearse to a small graveyard where they would inter Mary. Jim had been quiet the whole morning showing rigid control, his body tense, his face grim, his eyes red from lack of sleep. He had barely spoken two words to Blair and had refused everything but coffee. But really, what was there to say? He hadn’t known Mary and so he stood by the gravesite and looked down unable to think of anything he could say about his mother. He had been four when she left and he only had vague memories of her.

Blair reached over and squeezed Jim’s arm before placing a flower on the coffin. “I’ll wait by the truck, take your time,” he said and walked away to give Jim some time alone.

“Thanks,” Jim didn’t look up but waited until he stood there alone. “Mom, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know you were here. I would have come, hell I would have brought you to live with me. But I promise Mom, I’ll use the gifts you gave me. I’ll remember they were gifts from you and I’ll try not to grouse so much about them. I guess Blair will be happy about that.

“If only you could have known someone like Blair when you were younger, he’s my guide. That’s what you needed, a guide, someone to help you with your senses. You were a sentinel and all sentinels have guides. The guide is someone who understands the zones and spikes and what to do about them. If you had someone like Blair in your life, you wouldn’t have ended up here.” Jim paused and glanced around, seeing Blair in the distance, waiting patiently.

“Mom,” Jim turned back to the grave, “I am glad you got to meet Blair because I love him. I know it’s a strange thing for a man to love another man and I don’t love men, just Blair. I hope you liked of him. He’s very special and he thinks the gifts you gave me are special. Somehow, I think you would have approved. He’s the wolf, Mom and we are meant to be together.”

With that Jim placed a flower on the coffin, his hand running over the smooth wood and then he walked back to Blair. “Let’s go home,” he said, sadly. “There’s nothing left here.”

Blair nodded and held out his hand. “Let me drive, you didn’t sleep last night, this way you can relax.”

Jim looked like he was going to argue but then shrugged and handed over the keys climbing into the passenger seat as Blair got behind the wheel.

Putting the truck in gear, Blair glanced over at Jim. He wanted to ask about, but dreaded the idea of, Jim going to see William and Steven. It wasn’t that he thought Jim would physically hurt either of them. Jim had a nasty temper and could give someone a tongue lashing that would leave them trembling and feeling flayed but Blair didn’t think Jim would hit his father. Despite the circumstances Jim had been raised better than that. And while Jim might be willing to hit his brother, after all Steven was complicit in hiding Jim’s mother, Steven wasn’t the cause and Jim knew it.

“Jim,” he said softly as he headed down the highway towards Cascade. “What are you going to say to your father?”

Jim glanced over at Blair. “He knows we were there. Susan Blake called him.”

“I figured,” Blair answered.

“I’m done with him and I’m done with Steven. I’m going to let them know that and that I never want to see either of them again.”

“What they did was horrible,” Blair answered, trying not to defend an act that couldn’t be defended. “But they do care about you.”

“Not enough,” Jim shot back and turned to look out the window, silence filling the truck.

Jim could hear Blair’s quiet sigh. For all her flightiness, Naomi Sandburg had always had unconditional love for her son and Blair’s concepts of family were based on unconditional love. Jim knew Blair would never understand what the Ellison household was like. It was beyond anything he’d ever experienced. William Ellison did not accept his sons for who they were. Only when they were who he wanted them to be did he accept them.

“I need a promise from you, Chief and despite the fact that you broke you promise to my father, I trust you to keep mine.”

“Sure, Jim, whatever you need,” Blair answered.

“If my father and/or brother harass you over telling me about my mother you’ll tell me so I can put a stop to it.”

“You think they’ll harass me?” Blair asked.

“I don’t doubt my father will threaten you. That’s why I’m going to see him with you at my side.”

“What’s done is done. I don’t see why he would bother.”

“He can be very vindictive. He was such a success in business because he had a ruthless streak. I don’t want it aimed at you.”

“I promise I’ll let you know if he comes after me.”

“Good.”

Jim turned back to the window and watched the road.

*****Friday Evening**

The rest of the drive had been very quiet and Jim and Blair arrived at the loft late Friday afternoon. There were numerous messages from William and Steven for both Jim and Blair. Blair came and stood beside Jim after Jim had pressed the play button and heard his father’s voice. The messages for Jim were tentative, asking that Jim give them a chance to explain their actions. The messages for Blair, while asking that he call, were decidedly hostile sounding.

“We don’t have to see them today,” Blair pointed out glancing at Jim’s pale features and not liking the dark circles under Jim’s eyes.

“Yes, we do. I want to get this over with. That way I put them behind me.”

“Okay,” Blair nodded. “Let me make us something to eat and then we’ll go see you father.”

“I’ll tell him we’re coming,” Jim picked up the phone as Blair started working on grill cheese sandwiches one ear on the phone conversation.

“Hello Sally, I need to speak with William,” Jim’s voice was gentle. There was a short pause and then Jim said in a much colder tone, “I understand you want to speak with me…I don’t think there’s any way you can justify your actions…fine I’ll be there in an hour,” with that Jim hung up the phone none to gently.

An hour later they pulled up in front of William’s house. “Steven’s here,” Jim pointed out. “There’s his car.”

“Are you sure you are ready to do this? I could reschedule.”

“I’ll never be any more ready,” Jim got out of the truck and straightening his back walked up the path. Stopping at the door he rang the doorbell and Sally came to the door.

“Mr. Jimmy,” she smiled and Jim gave her a quick hug before turning to look at the office door.

“Sally, I’m expected,” Jim answered.

“Yes, your father is in his office.”

Jim nodded and led Blair into the office. Steven and William were both sitting on two leather back chairs and there was a third one near Steven as well as a dining room chair somewhat further from the three leather chairs.

“Jimmy,” William indicated the chair near Steven and Jim shook his head.

“I’m not staying long enough to need to sit,” Jim answered coldly.

“I know you are upset-”

“Upset!” Jim snarled interrupting his father, his voice reflecting the violence he was holding back because this was his father. “The two of you cheated me out of knowing my mother and you think upset covers it?” Jim’s voice turned deadly quiet.

“Jimmy she was sick. I didn’t want you tarnished with her illness.”

“You didn’t want anyone to know you had a wife with problems,” Jim accused. “But you should have told me. How could you tell Blair and not tell me?”

“Jimmy I knew you would be mad and we’ve been getting along so well,” William paused hoping Jim would understand.

“And you Steven,” Jim turned on his brother, “even if he didn’t tell me, you should have.”

“Jim, I wanted to but-”

“Don’t go any further with that statement,” Jim warned. “You were an adult you could have reached out to me.” Jim looked over both men, disgust evident in his face. “Just understand this. I never want to hear from either of you again. I wash my hands of the two of you.” Jim turned to leave.

“Jimmy, wait please,” William stood reaching out a hand beseechingly.

Jim looked at the hand as if it were talon reaching out to claw him and then turned and walked out.

“You brought this on us, Sandburg,” William accused watching Jim storm out. “If you’d kept your mouth shut like you promised this wouldn't have happened.”

Blair had started to follow Jim out the door but at William’s words he turned back and looked over Steven and William. William standing in what looked like righteous anger his face white with rage and Steven staring into a glass of scotch, his face red with what Blair guessed was shame. “I doubt you will understand this but common decency made it impossible for me to keep that promise and you never should have asked me to give it.”

With that Blair followed Jim out to the truck where he was leaning against the passenger door, his breathing shallow.

“Jim, give me the keys, I’ll drive,” he waited as Jim handed over the keys and then opened the passenger door helping Jim in. Closing the passenger door, Blair turned and looked back at William’s house. Sally was standing in the doorway, a hand to her mouth and Blair was pretty sure she had been crying. Shaking his head sadly, Blair moved around to the driver’s door and took off, leaving William and Steven behind.

*****Saturday Morning**

It came as no surprise when Simon knocked on the door Saturday morning. Putting a finger to his lips to indicate Simon should be quiet, Blair led him into the loft and handed him a cup of coffee before stepping out onto the balcony. It was a warm spring day and Blair opened two folding chairs indicating Simon should sit.

“Jim didn’t hear me come in?” Simon whispered as he and Blair sat on the balcony with the glass doors closed.

“He hasn’t slept well since he learned about his mother so I gave him some chamomile tea, turned on a white noise generator and had him wear a sleeping mask.”

“How is he?” Simon asked.

“It’s been hard,” Blair admitted. “Jim was with her talking to her when she died. Then he got home and told his father and brother to never contact him again. He’s feeling hurt and betrayed and regretting all the lost opportunities to know his mother.”

“I can’t imagine his father and brother doing that to him.”

“They were ashamed of her. They thought she had mental problems.”

“All because she had the same senses as Jim and they didn’t know how to deal with them,” Simon shook his head. “I guess Jim is lucky he found you. When his senses kicked in during the switchman case he didn’t know what was going on. I remember him saying he had himself tested to see if someone had drugged him.”

Blair considered Simon’s statement for a moment. “I think Jim would have eventually left Cascade and gone to live somewhere remote where his senses wouldn’t bother him so much. He would have had to give up his job, his life and move somewhere rural where he would live a more isolated life but he would have found a way to survive. Unfortunately, his mother didn’t have the option of heading into the wild.”

“I could see it, Jim heading off because his senses were too much,” Simon agreed.

“You know,” Blair looked out at the bay instead of at Simon, “I kept pushing Jim to meet with his father and brother, to go out with them, to talk to them and Jim was so reluctant. Now I can see why.”

“You didn’t really know them,” Simon pointed out hearing the guilt in Blair’s voice, “and generally family is important. Do you think he’ll ever talk to them again?”

“I don’t know, possibly, possibly not. He will never get together with either of them as a family and I won’t push him anymore to meet up with them. Jim was right and was I wrong about them,” Blair sighed.

“You were doing the right thing but with the wrong people,” Simon offered. “Family is important for a lot of people.” Simon looked out across the bay for a moment and then, rousing himself, stood. “Tell Jim to take a few more days off. I told the other detectives that Jim wasn’t feeling well. I haven’t mentioned his mother. The way I see it if Jim wants them to know, he’ll tell them.”

“No problem with that assistant DA who was hounding him?” Blair asked rising and taking Simon’s coffee cup.

Simon chuckled. “I called Beverly Sanchez and told her Jim had a family emergency and told her about the assistant DA’s constant badgering over the case. She went and had a talk with him suggesting that perhaps if he needed so much support from Jim he wasn’t ready to handle a case and should second chair for someone else. I don’t think Jim will hear from him for a while.”

“Good, because right now he doesn’t need the additional hassle.”

“Let Jim know if there’s anything I can do to call and I’ll try and talk with him later.”

Blair hesitated and then asked, “Could we use your cabin? I think it would be a good idea to get Jim out of Cascade for a couple of days. His senses have been spiking and a remote area will help reduce the stimuli.”

“Of course,” Simon answered. “You can stop by and pick up the key.”

“Thanks and thanks for coming Simon.” Blair walked Simon to the door and quietly opened and closed it before glancing up at the loft bedroom and wondering how he could help Jim get over this.

Blair was cooking all kinds of foods when Jim came down two hours later. He looked a lot better for having gotten some sleep but still seemed to have a slightly haggard look. “Haunted,” Blair’s mind substituted for haggard as he watched Jim head over to the coffee pot.

“Morning,” he said softly.

“Morning,” Jim replied.

“Simon came by earlier. He didn’t want to wake you but he said if you need anything to let him know and that he’ll call later.”

Jim nodded as he took some coffee. “Planning on a party?” Jim asked waving at the three different meals Blair had made. On the counter cooling were beef stew, meatballs with sauce, and Blair had just added a pot of chili.

“I figured we could freeze what we don’t use but I was thinking we could maybe go camping this weekend. It would give your senses a break.”

“Camping?”

“Yeah, we could head out this morning and just spend a few days outside of the city.”

“Can you get the time off?”

“Yeah, I already had Tuesday covered and I have no class on Monday. If we’re back on Tuesday I won’t have a problem.”

“That’s what the foods for?” Jim asked and Blair smiled sheepishly. “Did you have somewhere in mind?”

“I thought we might use Simon’s cabin. He said we could.”

Jim shrugged thinking over the idea and then gave a slow nod. “Yeah, I could use some time away.”

“Great. While you get showered and dressed I’ll pack the truck,” Blair said starting to put the food in containers to take on the road.

Jim nodded. “I can help as soon as I get out of the shower.”

“Take your time man, I already packed the camping gear.”

“You did,” Jim sounded amused and Blair smiled sheepishly, relieved that Jim sounded more like himself.

“You need to get out Cascade for a while. That way your senses can relax,” Blair answered honestly and Jim agreed putting down the coffee cup and heading for the bathroom.

Blair was just putting the fishing poles in the truck when out of the corner of his eye, he saw William Ellison enter 852 Prospect. “Shit,” he cursed and quickly securing the rods ran back into the building and, not waiting for the elevator, ran up the stairs.

William was already in the loft, Jim having gotten out of the shower and let him in when Blair burst in and stopped at Jim’s raised hand.

“Jimmy,” he heard William say, “What I did, I did because I was scared and embarrassed and I thought when I married Grace that I did give you a mother.”

“Grace was a nice woman,” Jim answered, wearily. “But she wasn’t my mother and she and I both knew that, so did you and so did Steven. It wasn’t the same.”

William nodded and Blair took a good look at the older Ellison. In twenty four hours the man had aged a good ten years. He looked haggard and bent the bluster and angry stance replaced by sadness and regret. “I made mistakes but I never meant to hurt you,” William whispered, sadly.

Jim sighed and glanced over his father, looking at was once a vibrant powerhouse in charge of his life and the lives of others and was now an old man loaded with regrets. Jim, considering the old man in front of him, hoped he would never reach the end of his life and look back on failures rather than accomplishments. He decided there was something pathetic about his father, a man who was so afraid of what others would think that he destroyed his own family. “Look Dad, right now I need some time away from both you and Steven. I can’t and won’t deal with either of you at the moment. At some future point, when I’ve had time to come to terms with what you did, I’ll try and reach out to you but until then I don’t want to see or hear from you or Steven.”

William nodded and if anything, looked more stooped as he turned without a word to Blair and walked out the door. For a moment Blair watched him go and then turned back to Jim. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Jim answered. “I just realized my old man is someone to be pitied. It’s not a pleasant discovery,” he added sadly. “Come on,” Jim grabbed his jacket. “I DO need to get out of Cascade for a while.”

*****Sunday Afternoon**

As Jim reeled in his line, he called out to Blair, standing down river with a spear in his hand, “Hey, Chief, we are having trout for dinner.”

Blair glanced over and smiled waving his Cree fishing spear. “Good because the fish are all over by you.”

“And you don’t think you’re not catching anything has anything to do with you using a spear?”

“Post hoc ergo propter hoc,” Blair answered. “That’s Latin and translates to just because one thing follows the other doesn’t mean one causes the other.”

Jim gave Blair a dubious look and started for the shore carrying dinner. Dumping the fish in the pail he turned and watched his guide again try and spear a fish. Chuckling and shaking his head he reached for a fillet knife and set about cleaning the fish. “There’s a problem with your logic, Chief,” Jim called out.

“Yeah, what’s that?”

“You’re not Cree.”

Blair huffed and then giving up walked over and glanced at Jim. He looked so much more relaxed. They had arrived yesterday afternoon at Simon’s small rustic cabin. It was two hours north of Cascade in a wooded area near a stream. The cabin had a large main room with a fireplace at one end and a small kitchen at the other end of the room. There was a table near the kitchen that could seat six comfortably and two armchairs and a sofa near the fireplace. Two small bedrooms were situated on either side of the fireplace and a bathroom was located off the living room. One bedroom had a large bed and the other had two bunk beds so Simon could comfortably sleep a few guests.

After arriving at the cabin and unloading the car, Jim had turned on the generator and hot water heater and had brought in some wood and kindling for the fireplace while Blair had aired out the place and warmed up one of the dinners he had brought. They had eaten in companionable silence and then had sat near the fire sipping beer and relaxing. Jim had seemed quieter staring into the fire and Blair debated interrupting his thoughts – maybe trying to get Jim to talk but finally, he decided not to. Jim needed processing time and there would be time to talk over the weekend so Blair kept quiet.

Blair had told Jim to take the larger bedroom and Jim had turned in early, still tired from the emotional upset of the past few days.

Sunday morning Blair woke to the smell of coffee and bacon and coming into the main room the pair had decided to hike for a mile or two in the morning and then see if they could catch some fish for dinner.

The day had been pleasant, the walk relaxing and they were on their way back to the cabin when Blair decided it was time to talk. “Jim, about your father and brother, I’m sorry how things turned out. I know it’s not my fault, but I still feel responsible.”

Jim hearing the note of sadness in Blair’s voice answered, “Blair, it’s always been that way with them. Despite being the oldest, I was not the favored son. I guess what happened with my mother and then the emergence of my senses really ended any chance of my father and me being close. And Steven, I can’t really blame him for what happened to us as kids. He was as much a victim of my father’s little games as I was. The truth of the matter is for twenty years I barely spoke with my father and didn’t speak with my brother. It’s not such a big deal that I’m not talking to them again.”

“Do you think you’ll ever speak with either of them again?”

“Eventually, I suppose” Jim admitted. “But we’ll never be close, not the way you and I are.”

Those words kept echoing in Blair’s head as they fished, ate lunch and then prepared dinner. They were close, very close, but to Blair’s mind not close enough.

Once again, after dinner Jim got a fire going in the fireplace and Blair brought over two bottles of beer. They had eaten the trout and potatoes Blair had packed and both were sated and relaxed. “What do you see when you look into the fire?” Blair asked and Jim smiled glancing at his guide.

“Lights in various colors but I like when they reflect on other things.”

“Other things?”

“When I look at your hair in the light, it’s amazing. Your hair is amazing shades of red and gold and orange and brown. When I look at your hair in the firelight, it looks like you are wearing a halo like the angel you really are.”

“I’m not an angel,” Blair protested and Jim shook his head.

“To me you are.” Standing and slowly moving over, Jim lifted one of Blair’s curls. “Your hair is just as soft as it looks and it smells like you.”

“How do I smell?” Blair whispered standing so the two men were within a hair’s breadth of each other.

“Like pine and a hint of exotic far eastern spice.”

In answer, Blair put his nose to Jim’s neck sniffing. “You smell of woods and greens,” he told Jim and then his tongue reached out to taste Jim’s neck and Jim shivered, an arm circling Blair he cupped Blair’s chin and leaned down for a kiss.

Blair’s taste exploded in the sentinel’s mouth and he moaned. “I have wanted to do that for so long,” Jim said caressing Blair’s face.

“I have too,” Blair agreed. “That and much more,” he added with a brilliant smile.

Jim slowly ran a hand down Blair’s cheek feeling the stubble and the soft skin beneath. “You are so beautiful inside and out my Blair.”

“And you’re an Adonis. I was never sure if you would want someone like me.”

“Someone like you? Beautiful, intelligent, brave, loyal. No, I would never want someone like that.”

“And male,” Blair pointed out.

“Um, Chief, maybe this might be good time to tell you, I’m bi.”

“That’s funny, so am I.”

The pair smiled at what each had found out about the other and Jim took Blair’s hand heading for the bedroom.

*****Tuesday**

Jim parked the truck in his usual spot and the two men began unloading the supplies. After making love Sunday night they had spent Monday talking about their new relationship and how they would go forward. They would tell their friends but in general (especially in the PD where some of the old guard might give them a hard time) they would keep their relationship professional.

Walking into the loft, Blair watched his lover thoughtfully. Jim looked a lot better. While there would always be regrets that he didn’t know his mother and could have, he had gotten over the initial shock and while he hadn’t exactly forgiven his father or brother, he had set thoughts of them aside. Only the future would tell if there was any dealings with the other Ellisons.

“How about we order in pizza and spend what’s left of the afternoon moving your stuff upstairs?” Jim asked. “I can turn your bedroom into an exercise room.”

“How about we turn it into an office?” Blair countered.

“How about we turn it into an office with some exercise machines?”

“That sounds like a great idea,” Blair agreed. “I’ll be able to work while you get all hot and sweaty. I suspect I’ll get my work done a lot faster.”

“It’s a good incentive to help me keep up my exercise,” Jim decided as he picked up the phone to order food.


End file.
